Take It Easy

I have been out of commission the last couple of weeks due to a down turn in the health department. The old saying "The mind is willing, but the flesh is weak." couldn't be more apropos. It seems that every time I start to make head way on my spiritual path, I get side tracked by some kind of bullshit or other. So frustrating! This time I wound up in the hospital for 4 days. The thing is, I knew the down turn was coming and that it was a race against time. I can always sense when it's coming. I had even consulted the tarot to double check, even though I dreaded looking at the cards. 4 days and the 4 of swords. Kind of funny... huh?

The most rotten thing about being ill and being a magician is knowing what to do and not having the strength or clarity to do it. Sure, I know healing spells, etc. But the energy they take to do only leaves me feeling worse! When I'm feeling acute pain, I call on Archangel Raphael, and he eases me to sleep so that I can get through it.

So, of late I've been doing a great deal of reading, praying, meditating and talking to my HGA and just coming to a place of peace and acceptance overall really. I've learned to stop railing against what is. What is kind of sucks, I know that -- but I have to just accept the fact that I have a chronic illness and learn to accept that I can never be who I was and accept who I am now. I have been given an opportunity to balance some major karma. The limitations I live with mean I am more challenged. Just like playing an xbox game on a harder difficulty mode.

Luckily for me, I have a wonderful husband who not only loved me as I was before, but loves me as I am now. Why else would he sleep in an awful hospital chair nights on end? Not to mention a fantastic mom who takes me to my myriad of doctor's appointments and tests, etc. I haven't been put in this situation alone, without help or support and for that I am blessed and thankful.

I sometimes get moody and frustrated because I don't have the energy or strength to conjure up spirits or travel the realms as I would like, or even just to go shopping or hang out. I still need to work on that! It's not easy having gone from being a super active person always on the go, to someone who can barely move.

I feel as though I've lived thousands of years and that it's finally caught up to me. I read somewhere that my illness, Fibromyalgia is caused by "soul weariness". I think it describes how I feel perfectly. I literally feel the weight of Malkuth and all the incarnations I've lived. I may not look like it, but I'm an old soul.

I think, this is God's way of saying, "Evie, since you won't slow down on your own, I'll do it for you. You're going to take it easy from here on out." Take it from me, please make time for rest and to re-charge your batteries. It's vitally important for your mind, body and soul.